Self-care is about being there for ourselves. Making time to fulfill our own needs now and then. In order to be able to do all the other things we want in life.
Being a great friend, an awesome parent, an excellent partner, a smart co-worker and a really good sibling too. Cook, work, clean, walk the dog, water the plants, fix the car, do the grocery shopping, take kids to the park and help out with the homework. What is self-care? Self-care is about being there for ourselves. Making time to fulfill our own needs now and then. In order to be able to do all the other things we want in life.
Why is it so hard to make time for self-care? We all know that it is important in the long run to not only attend to others' needs, but also our own. Even when we have all the possible insights and tools, we're often still not where we want to be. So why is it so hard?
Investing in ourselves trains our brains to see us as someone who matters
Instead, we can approach self-care from a value-perspective, and evaluate our efforts – no matter how small.
Self-care can be an always-on routine For 29k psychologist Agnes Branny, self-care is an ongoing proactive practice of investing time in ourselves. It is all about taking the time to find the right activities that work for us and which will improve our overall wellbeing in the long term. It's about putting "taking care of ourselves" at the center, not when we're already burnt out. It's about trusting that showing up for ourselves helps us show up more purposefully for our loved ones. It is like that routine in airplanes: If oxygen masks should be needed, put on your own first, before you help anybody else, including children. Because if we don't, we risk fainting and not being able to help neither ourselves nor our children.
Self-care is important, but how do I find out what I need? The first step, Agnes says, is to do a self-scan and ask yourself how you are feeling. Once you know that, you can start to think about how to meet your needs.1. Physical self-care This area is about taking care of our bodies by for example sleeping, eating, working out, getting a massage, taking walks or giving your hair an oil treatment. This is what most people think about when it comes to self-care. But there are four other areas that also need attention.2. Social self-care Social self-care is all about our relationships. Because caring relationships with others – be it loved ones, friends, parents, siblings, children, co-workers, distant relatives, new acquaintances or somebody else we want to connect with – are among the top things that make people enjoy life, feel supported and valued.3. Psychological self-care Learning new things, challenging ourselves, striving for something over time, being creative or growing new skills are all part of the psychological self-care area. Education or work may fill up parts of this area, but thinking of what's important for us personally is also an important piece of the puzzle.4. Emotional self-care Emotional self-care is about acknowledging and paying attention to our emotions, as well as expressing them.5. Spiritual self-care Having, developing or finding a sense of meaning in life is the fifth area of self-care. A sense of meaning or purpose does not have to be religious or spiritual in a traditional sense. It can be about being part of something bigger than ourselves, bringing our best to the table, volunteering at the local refugee center or putting food on the table for our family. Whatever makes us tick.
Develop a self-care plan When we check-in with ourselves in each area and notice that one of them has not gotten much attention the past weeks, it is time to act. Ask ourselves, what small things can we do to nurture this area?
29k psychologist Agnes' three tips for self-care 1. Think about what actions make you feel better These may range from activities that take five minutes to several days. Create a shortlist of things and carry it with your day. When you sense a need to improve your wellbeing in this area, your list allows you to quickly opt into something that is feasible at this moment. Even though you may not be able to go for a three-day hike, you can always make an investment in yourself in smaller ways.
2. Take an active role in your wellbeing Know that you are more than a passenger, you're an active driver of your mental, emotional and physical well-being. Make plans for when to include self-care in your daily routines. Schedule time in your calendar, or attach a new habit to an old one – such as brushing your teeth can be a trigger for a small self-care action every day. While spending time on self-care will not prevent you from coming across difficult periods in your life, you will be better prepared to manage them.
3. Small actions matter Even if you just take one minute to take ten mindful breaths counts. From a neuropsychology point of view, you are training your brain to tell yourself that you are worthy of this time.
