How to manage stress?

The stress reaction in our bodies and brains is an automatic fight-or-flight-response – an essential mechanism that has evolved in us long ago to help us survive life-threatening situations.

Without stress, humans would not be alive today. Stress triggers a cascade of physiological and behavioral changes that help us survive. Blood flows to the large muscle groups in upper arms and thighs, away from gut activity and the planning, thinking and evaluating parts of our brains. Our heart beats faster to make sure there's blood where it's needed, our lungs breathe faster to supply more oxygen. Stress has evolved as a strategy for humans to face dangers, such as fleeing from a saber-toothed tiger or fighting off an attacker.

Even though bears, tigers or wolves have mostly disappeared from our present human habitats, our bodies still react just as strongly as if they were right in front of us.

So why then do we still stress? Our brains and bodies have simply not evolved to distinguish between the threat of a predator and the pressure in the conference room.

Most situations that trigger the stress response today are not physically dangerous. Instead, we feel stressed when we're faced with deadlines, have conflicts with loved ones, get stuck in traffic or have to make an important decision. As a result, our life-saving response is not really doing the job it evolved to do. In part, that explains why so many of us struggle with stress-related problems.

Stress occurs when the demands and expectations we perceive exceed the resources available. Like this:

The division between demands and expectations may not always be perfectly clear, but one way to draw the line is to say that demands are explicit and expectations are implicit.

Demands are the outspoken things we are required to accomplish. For example: finishing a report on time, making x sale calls before Friday or hosting a workshop.

Expectations are both the silent (and often high) standards we set for ourselves and what we think others expect from us. Like, that report has to be perfect, those calls better be good ones and that workshop needs to be a success.

Finally, resources are what means we have to make the demands and expectations happen. On many occasions the resource we have is our own capacity and time.

To understand stress we need all three components of the model. And when we experience stressful periods – looking at the three components can help us find clues on what we can change.

Some stress can be healthy and even exciting, such as the stress that comes from embarking on a new adventure like moving abroad or launching your own business.

Short-term stress can make us feel more alive and alert, motivated and get us going. For example, before an exam or big game, that surge of adrenaline gives us the energy to perform better. So in many ways, stress is our friend. It tries to help us solve problems and survive – and without it we'd be bored and unmotivated.

The key is to get enough stress to trigger us to perform or take on a challenge. But not too much, as it tends to make us overwhelmed, indecisive and unable to perform. An upside-down U-shaped curve can help us understand this:

Stress is the body's natural response to any challenge or threat, whether it is from the outside environment or from inside our heads. Our bodies are made to deal with it perfectly fine, when it comes and goes in waves. The recovery systems – with digestion, complex thinking and planning – get activated when the stress response goes down, and when the stress system is activated again, digestion, planning and complex thinking is put on hold until the next period of recovery.

So – and this is important – stress per se is not dangerous. It is when we experience long periods of stress and don't get to recover in between that it may hurt us.

Work smarter – not more

Adjusting (or clarifying) the demands and expectations is one way to cope with a stressful situation.

Rank priorities - adjust demands When we are stressed, it is often hard to know where to start. If we find ourselves incapable of getting going when the to do-list is long, one trick is to do a matrix with four quadrants:

1. Scope – how much, what quantity needs to be done?
   
   
2. Time – when is the deadline? How much of our working hours can be put into this?
   
   
3. Quality – on a scale from 1 to 5, how good does this task or project have to be?
   
   

These three dimensions are interdependent. If we have a task with a deadline that cannot be moved – we can change the other two aspects: scope and quality. If the scope is set in stone but not the other two, we can postpone the deadline or have more of our working hours devoted to this task, and/or lower the quality demands. If the quality needs to be a 5, then perhaps the scope can be lowered and/or the deadline postponed.

Saying no

Saying yes to requests of different kinds is a common pattern for many of us. It's nice to feel needed, other people tend to like a yes-sayer (and most of us want to be liked) and it feels good to be able to contribute. But in stressful times we are better off saying no, or at least ask for some time to think about it. Because when our plate is full, something else needs to go if we say yes to another thing. And that something is almost always our own time for recovery.

Saying no can be difficult, and sometimes it's hard to have one's no's respected. If that's the case, here are some pro tips:

• Repeat your No, I can't help you with this over and over again, for every argument from the other person. If you sound like an old broken record stuck on repeat, there you have it.
  
  
• Validate the other person. Let them know you understand that this task is important for them, but you are unable to help out.
  
  
• Just say no. No excuses, no explanations.
  
  
• Say no and add a brief explanation. You can't do this because you've already decided this other thing.
  
  
• If you would like to do this thing, but another time, be explicit about it. You're busy today, but next week this would be nice.
  
  
• Take responsibility for your no's. If you don't want to do something, say it.
  
  

• Let the other know that you can do this, but then you would have to let another task be down-prioritized or postponed (very helpful with managers).

Work in units

Working long hours may feel effective, but the opposite tends to be true. More hours do not equal more quality output. Instead, working in units – 45 minutes of focused work, then 15 minute break – may produce better results and actually reduce stress. The unit method involves setting a timer for 45 mins, interrupting your work right where you are, setting the timer for a 15 minute break, and repeat.

Reduce interruptions

In order for units to work at their best, we need to be focused. That means we need to make sure we are not interrupted. So, no phone, no Facebook, no internet, no email, no doing the dishes, no cleaning, no chatting to colleagues. Just focus on one task for the entire unit.

Batch simpler tasks

Batching is a word borrowed from the printing industry, where one prints similar stuff – like business cards – together, before adjusting the machines to print for example books. When it comes to other work, batching means to collect a bunch of minor tasks – like answering emails – and do them in chunks instead of now and then as they easily interrupt high quality work.

Do one thing at a time

Multitasking may feel efficient – but in fact it is not. Try this:

1. Start a timer and write your name and phone number on a piece of paper. Note the time.
   
   
2. Start a timer and write the first letter of your name, then the first number of your phone number. Then, the second letter of your name, and the second number of your phone number, and continue like that until you have written all the letters of your name and all numbers in your phone number. Note the time.
   
   
3. Was there a difference between the time it took to complete the task in 1 and 2?
   
   

For most of us there is a big difference, favoring doing one thing and then the other. The effort it takes for our brains to try to do two things at the same time is also often much higher – so it also makes us more tired.

Set clear boundaries

An added modern day stressor is the blurred barrier between work and personal life that has increased massively the last few years. Even though many of us enjoy the new opportunities of working from home, it is so easy to go down that slippery slope and start checking emails, taking a zoom meeting, writing some extra or reading up on something in the evening. The research on this is however very clear: we benefit from boundaries. When work hours are work hours, family hours are family hours and me-time is me-time. Work-life-balance may be a worn out expression, but a very valid one.

Take real breaks

A real break means to do something that's the opposite from working/stressing activity. Working in front of a computer? Break with movement and no screen time. Working with heavy lifting? Break with resting. Taking short breaks often is better than a single long break, for both brain and body.